Table Dance (Long Post)

I don't care much for Strippers, but I did a table dance once. (Remember, Molly is a MAN.) Right around ten years ago, my wife and I were separated for a time. I lived in the barracks, and did alot of crazy shit. The following is an example of that craziness.

I was on Shore Duty during my second tour in the Navy. My Shore Tour was in a Helicopter (Helo) Training Squadron. Part of the training we provided for the replacement pilots and aircrew, was Anti-Submarine Warfare. Sounds pretty rigorous doesn't it? Guess where it takes place? The Bahamas!

I was in the Airframe shop, we took care of Flight Controls, Hydraulic Systems, Landing Gear, and the Airframe itself. Four of us Airframers were 'selected' to go on the Det to AUTEC (Bahamas). Most all of us came from Strike-Fighter squadrons, and were pretty much ashamed to have to work on the lowly Helo, let alone the Pilots. Most folks in Naval Aviation don't think to highly of the Rotor Heads. That is until they need to be rescued.

OK, back on topic.......

We got there, put the birds to bed, and immediately hit the base liquor store. After doing our 3S preps (Shit, Shower, & Shave) and some pre-party drinking, we headed over to the base club.

We spent the better part of five hours getting VERY drunk, and VERY rowdy. At one point our Pilots came into the club to have a few drinks, and to play this stupid tabletop shuffleboard game. Being in a lubricated state that we were. We started accosting the pilots, and in particular our Division Officer. We duly informed each and everyone of them that they were all pussies, and should all be ashamed that they were not 'Real Pilots'. We then called out our Division Officer, questioning his manhood, and informing him that 'Real Pilots' buy their troops drinks. After about fifteen minutes of listening to us berate all of them. Someone finally sent the D.O. over to buy us drinks. All he got was a 'bout Time, and a list of drinks for us. (We were some serious assholes.) After drinking the drinks we then switched tactics, and tried to compliment our 'Fine Pilots' on their flying abilities......the tactic bombed, and no more drinks were forthcoming, Bastards!

Sitting in amongst us rowdies were several of our Female Sailors. A song came on that I liked, and I started to 'dance' in my seat. One of the gals then suggested I get up and dance.

Me: "Only if you pay me."
Her: "I'll give you five for a dance"
Me: "Where? Out there" Motioning to the dance floor.
Her: "No, right here on the table."
Me: "Five dollars, that's all I'm worth?"
Her: "Ok, six dollars."
Me: "You're On."
Her: "No, You are"

I got up on the chair, did my best stripper dance, and received a ten spot in my shorts for the effort. Either she couldn't count, or I did a fantastic job. I'd prefer to think it was the latter.

I'm a little foggy about why we had to leave, it was either we accosted Shore Patrol, or we closed the place down. Not sure, but It wouldn't surprise me at all if we weren't just kicked out. I do remember one of the other guys ripping up the carpet border edge thingy that was at the edge of the dance floor. (He was sitting next to it.)

We were invited over to the girls' room at the BOQ (Usually Officers Quarters, but they didn't have separate rooms for Enlisted Females.) We got there and found that one of the girls had a bottle of Peach Brandy, that she was going to take home. Let's just say that bottle never made it out of the room. The owner of said bottle was a little pissed at me. In fact I know she was because she smacked in the head hard enough to knock me ass-over-tea kettle off of the bed.

We promptly left, and headed back to our rooms........we had to be to work in an hour or so.

Some of us were dumb enough to try and get a little sleep...dumb, never works. After getting rudely awakened by my roommates alarm, we cleaned up, threw on the coveralls, and made our way over to the hangar. Guess who was an hour late? Me, apparently I was on an early crew, for the first flight of the morning. OOPS...nobody told me. Not that it would have mattered.

If anyone had an Airframe problem they would have had to find us out back, laying on the side walk....checking the inside of our eyelids for defects. One smart ass even put wheel chocks on us so we wouldn't roll down the hill. Safety First!

While laying there I felt someone nudge me with their boot. Slowly opening one eye, I spied my Division Officer ready to fly. I groaned a little, and he asked 'Who's the Pussy now?' Haha, Bitch! I didn't say that, but I sure thought it.

After all of the flights were done for the day, the Senior Chief in charge, gathered all of us together for an ass chewing. Something about being drunk, and embarrassing ourselves, and some other shit....who cares. I happened to be sitting amongst a few broken bales of rags. It made a pretty nice bed. While Senior was busy bitching, I began to feel REALLY sick to my stomach. (Must have been something I ate. LOL) I pulled a few rags up to my face and began to throw-up into the rags. It was all silent, the only thing you could hear was a little bit of water and Tylenol splash to the floor. Nothing but water, because that's all I could even think about putting in there. One of the fellas sitting next to me heard the splashing, looked at me, and asked me, using only his mouth, no words, if I was puking. I could only nod, and continued my show. I call it a show, because I was actually sitting behind Senior Chief. Everyone else could see what I was silently doing. Some of them were smiling, a few snickered, but most just sat there shaking their heads. So here he is bitching everyone out for partying last night and not being ready, they are snickering, and only pissing him off even more. It was quite comical, I would have laughed, if I didn't feel so bad.

We finally were released from the tirade, with warnings of no repeat performances. We went back to the barracks, took a two hour nap, and started the whole process all over again. This time it involved a sinking dinghy that someone appropriated.

You know, I was never volunteered to go down there after that, I wonder why?