The Real Navy Life
A friend of mine e-mailed this to me several years ago. I get a kick out of it everytime I read it.
Navy Life
The suggestions below are made on behalf of those of us who have family members that think we live a "TOP GUN" existence. You know, those family members that have watched one too many episodes of JAG, and think that Navy life is glamorous. These suggestions are made to permit those people to experience Navy life, right in the comfort of their own homes.
1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.
3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray".
4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.
5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.
7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.
8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".
9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6AM and read it to you.
10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053".
11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 3PM.
12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day.
13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician,etc)
15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.
16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.
18. Repaint your entire house once a month.
19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.
20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly losing every 5th item.
21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel.
22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world travel".
25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.
26. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.
Navy Life
The suggestions below are made on behalf of those of us who have family members that think we live a "TOP GUN" existence. You know, those family members that have watched one too many episodes of JAG, and think that Navy life is glamorous. These suggestions are made to permit those people to experience Navy life, right in the comfort of their own homes.
1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.
3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray".
4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.
5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.
7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.
8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".
9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6AM and read it to you.
10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock the bathroom door for 12 hours, and hang a sign on it that reads "Secured - contact OA DIV at X-3053".
11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 3PM.
12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, and since you're on duty, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day.
13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.
14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician,etc)
15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.
16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lit off".
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not.
18. Repaint your entire house once a month.
19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.
20. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, randomly losing every 5th item.
21. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel.
22. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
23. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
24. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world travel".
25. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.
26. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.
posted by Tall Molly Man at 11:32 PM
4 Comments:
My exhusband was in the Navy and I remember seeing the H.S. Truman aircraft carrier on the inside for the first time. I was shocked to say the least and was never jealous of his "cruise like" lifestyle again. lol And that ship is HUGE! I prayed for everyone in a submarine after that for years. Still do from time to time. :)
You know as funny as those descriptions are, they pretty much hit the nail on the head. What's worse is, I miss it.........
My current hubby was in the Navy on a sub. He tells me about it all the time, and he too, misses it. My first husband was in the Air Force, and he had it made compared to the Navy men.
I went to Nellis AFB once on a training detachment. I thought I walked into BOQ, when I went to the BEQ. (BOQ=Officers Quarters/BEQ=Enlisted Quarters)It was a hotel compared to the barracks I lived in at our base.
But, I did get saluted once while going to the PX. I had my coveralls and Ball cap on, as I passed some AF guy he popped me a salute. I returned it, and informed him I was a Petty Officer, with an emphasis on Petty.
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